We’ve all been there—the moment where we realize we’re unhappy with one or several aspects of our lives, and we know it's time we should do something about it. Not knowing where to start can often feel overwhelming, but if you’re able to simplify some things and change the way you view yourself and your problems, you can truly create the change you’re looking for.

This blog will discuss some quick tips to help you get started.

First, you need to participate in the life you envision for yourself, not the one others have in mind for you.

Without developing an exclusively “service of self” mentality, it is important to understand that you are a lot less likely to feel happy and fulfilled if most of the choices you make are to satisfy others. This is especially true of career and relationship choices. In order to be fully present for those you love, or to really understand what love is sometimes, you need to be able to be whole on your own. You must live for your values, goals, and definitions of success and happiness. If you already know what those are, you just have to figure out how to create more space for them in your life. If you don’t, now would be a good time to start experimenting and exploring what really makes life great for you. That might include trying new sports and hobbies, reading about subjects that interest you, trying all types of jobs to find something that really suits you and offers you financial freedom, and also things to do in your spare time that bring you to balance. 

You can’t merely dream of possibilities and have them arrive at your doorstep overnight, you also have to take action.

Once you envision the kind of change you’re looking for in your life, it’s easy to get caught up in “fantasy” mode, where we envision possibilities, but fail to do anything to bring ourselves closer to them. The key ingredient is to begin working towards the things you want as if you already know it will happen. Your actions and intentions matter just as much as your vision. Yes, you need to start making space for that new career. You need to set boundaries for yourself and others at times. You need to keep that fitness routine. You need to start making one little move at a time toward that business goal. If you keep at it, one day you look up to realize how far you’ve come and realize that you’ve actually arrived at that moment that started as a thought. It’s 100% always worth the effort if it’s something you really want.  

You must learn to be patient, positive, and comfortable with failure or setbacks.

Fun, yet inconvenient fact: your positive belief in yourself and strong efforts to improve do nothing to stop bad things from happening sometimes. It’s true, life happens to all of us, and sometimes it’s really rough. We need to learn to process our feelings in such a way that those things don’t become the lens through which we view the world and our lives. There will be setbacks, losses, and failures no matter who you are. Ruminating in negative feelings about ourselves, what’s going on, or what we’re doing will not help us stay consistent in working on ourselves. Changing the way you look at problems can help greatly with this. A changed mindset overcomes many challenges. No one else is coming to show up for us, so we need to remember to show up for ourselves, as consistently as possible to stay on track and overcome adversity. 

As much as your thoughts and energy matter, so do the thoughts and energy you keep around you.

Something begins to happen when you work hard on yourself with the people around you. Many are very supportive, and only want to see you happy. Others are less invested in your success, either because of some kind of underlying envy or because your goals don’t align with the life they’d rather see you living. Certainly, we don’t choose every person we are around, but one can create boundaries with others, or with ourselves to avoid a lot of exposure to less than helpful advice or intentions when we are on our path. On the other hand, it is important to note constructive criticism from those around you who have your well-being in mind. Equally as useless as a bunch of negative people around you are a bunch of “yes” people who aren’t really looking out for you either. Support and honesty going both ways are what you should be looking for in the people around you. Also important is to surround yourself with people who are further along in their self-work, and can help lead by example. 

You deserve a life that makes you want to get up in the morning. It won’t always be easy, and it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, but it will be well worth it. Your dedication to being consistent and having a strong mindset will be very helpful. Just remember, it will take time, and enjoying the ride and all the lessons along the way is still important!