When You Realize the Person Holding You Back is…YOU!
Source: reddit user u/McWooky
Let’s be honest; it’s pretty much always been us! Once we become adults and gain some life experience, we tend to awaken to our pain points over time. The things that we can’t seem to change, or unpleasant positions we keep finding ourselves in, and the lack of direction, or not getting the results we aspire to. The hardest realizations and the toughest work usually involve situations that we have contributed to or allowed to continue that no longer serve us. They require our attention and our devotion to understanding, confronting, and ultimately changing our perspective and direction. The good news is we can work on ourselves and change our thoughts and habits much more readily than anything else in our lives. Most of life’s changes are about changing ourselves. So, here are some things you can do to begin the process and create some positive changes!
Where Do I Even Start?
First things first, the inconvenient truth is that some of the most positive things shape many of our feelings, behaviors, and cyclical patterns, but especially the intense and negative things that we may have experienced growing up, how we may have been mistreated by the people raising us, surrounding us, etc. Those things will certainly affect the way we navigate the world, sometimes in ways that do not benefit us. Childhood traumas and difficulties due to your surroundings and upbringing are not your fault. However, it doesn’t change the fact that the side effects of all that can result in negative repeat situations in life. These are things that you, and only you, can take responsibility for healing and improve as an adult: hindrances in romantic relationships, families and friendships, addictions, unhealthy outlooks and thoughts about ourselves, work issues, poor mental and physical health, etc. It can be a very difficult process of unpacking some of the most painful experiences and dynamics, family issues, and parts of our past that tend to stick with us. However, it's important to be informed about where we came from and make peace with it in a way that helps us move out of the cycles that have held us back. We are the only ones who can end these cycles for ourselves and create a much more peaceful and happy life. It is well worth the rocky bits!
Things can certainly be much better and happier for you. The first step is getting back to square one: homeostasis - a place where you have established some strong mental and physical health foundations and have healthy surroundings. This is so that you can focus on the things you want, go after them without the weight of so many distractions and hindrances, and approach life from a much more regulated state. You must determine what kind of help you need or are drawn to and seek it out! Traditional therapy is really important for validation, getting a much deeper understanding of how certain events, relationships, and dynamics have affected you, and, of course, diagnosis and treatment of mental health concerns. Coaching can be a great way to supplement therapy or a good fit for those who are therapy-averse. Coaching helps take the clarity from the work being done in therapy and put it to use in confidence building, changing perspectives, as well as strategizing and building towards important personal goals. For those doing coaching who have not done therapy, there is certainly no substitute, as the qualifications and goals are not the same. But, a good coach can usually help you identify some helpful and unhelpful relationship dynamics, behavior patterns, and belief systems in your life, as well as help you come up with strategies to navigate things in a way that aligns you more with what you’re working towards. Both therapy and coaching can promote a more positive outlook, healthier relationships, and better self-care overall!
I believe it’s also important to mention, and for one not to overlook, additional, or what some would consider “alternative” modalities throughout their healing journey. I am a huge proponent of meditation, sound healing, hypnotherapy, and regressive hypnotherapy for the mind. For the body, many people have major positive changes through things like yoga, acupuncture, reiki, breath work, energy healing, etc. - even psychedelic use, therapies, and things in that realm. There are many great ways to amplify healing and better understand your emotions, decision-making, behavior, and nervous system regulation. Once we can become more aware of what our minds and bodies are telling us and address it, we can create the freedom of spirit and the mentality to strive for more in life. We can’t truly figure out what motivates us, go after it effectively, or maintain our successes when we are constantly in fight or flight mode, never at peace with ourselves or others, and are unable to make good decisions because of stress, our outlook, our patterns, triggers or our past.
Cost can be a barrier for some of these things, but not as much as you might think! Therapy is not always covered very well by insurance, but there are sometimes discounted services for graduating students under supervision, as well as sliding scale practitioners. When we’re talking about coaching, many coaches offer group coaching calls that are far less expensive than one-on-one coaching. Certainly, it’s not quite as focused as private coaching, but don’t discount the benefit of the ability to identify with a group of people trying to do the work and going through it - just like you! When it comes to all the methods mentioned above, there is definitely a wide range of experiences that fit most budgets. YouTube is definitely your friend when it comes to physical fitness, therapy/coaching tips, yoga, meditation, and more. There are so many ways you can have profound experiences and create big changes at little to no cost from the comfort of your home. Don’t let a thin wallet be your excuse for not working on yourself - there are many options out there!
Once you have done some of that important work on yourself, the world really opens up for you in a way. It becomes much easier to begin to make headway toward the things that inspire you or to manage what’s coming at you. Not because it’s just magical all the time and that it’s never tough anymore, but your attitudes and reactions to those challenges will not hold you back the way they used to. Working towards becoming more aware and more whole as a person is an ever-evolving process for all of us. It’s only when you find the courage to take the initiative, begin the process, and build consistency that you can start to see the results of your efforts. Changing your perspective and behavior patterns is one of the only things you can actually control, and it is also the key to radically changing your life. Just remember, it usually takes time, and even when aspects of your life improve, there will still be harder times and challenges. Life will always have seasons and is very much about adapting and learning. Your perspective at all times dictates the perceived quality of the experience. Being more present to the things you’re grateful for and how far you’ve come is equally important as doing the work itself!
So, how will you choose to continue working on yourself, and change direction in the coming months?
